People are passionate about veganism for a variety of reasons, including animal rights and welfare, health benefits, environmental concerns, social justice and equality, and personal values and beliefs. It aligns with their morals and values and is seen as a way to promote a better world for animals, humans, and the planet.
Veganism is becoming increasingly popular in Australia. In 2019 a nationally representative survey of Australians found that just four percent of respondents were vegetarian. Combined with pescatarians and vegans around 10 percent of the population had a diet that restricted their intake of animal products.
Vegan couples, like any other couples, sometimes need to seek therapy because they may be facing challenges and issues that they are unable to resolve on their own. These challenges can include communication problems, conflicts, infidelity, trust issues, intimacy issues, and life transitions. Or how to flow better in a non-vegan world.
Vystopia is a term coined by Australian psychologist and vegan activist Clare Mann used to describe the psychological distress experienced by vegans when they become aware of the violence and exploitation inherent in animal use and consumption in society. It can cause feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, and helplessness, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
Seeking therapy can provide a safe and neutral space for vegan couples to explore their thoughts and feelings, learn new communication and coping skills, and gain a better understanding of each other. Therapy can also help vegan couples to strengthen their relationship, rebuild trust, and develop a deeper connection.
And a vegan counselor may be better for a vegan couple for several reasons:
Shared values: A vegan counselor will understand the couple's shared values and beliefs around veganism. This will help them to better understand the couple's perspective, as well as help them to explore any potential conflicts or challenges that may arise in their relationship as a result of their veganism.
Knowledgeable about veganism: A vegan counselor will be knowledgeable about the challenges and benefits of a vegan lifestyle. They will be able to provide practical advice and support to the couple, as well as help them to navigate any social or cultural pressures they may face as vegans.
Empathetic: A vegan counselor will be empathetic towards the couple's experience and will be able to relate to their struggles and challenges in a way that a non-vegan counselor may not be able to.
Non-judgmental: A vegan counselor will be non-judgmental towards the couple's lifestyle choices, which can be important for couples who may face criticism or misunderstanding from others about their veganism.
Familiar with vegan resources: A vegan counselor may be able to recommend resources and support groups specifically for vegan couples, which can be helpful for building a community and finding additional support.
Book your couples therapy appointment today and take the first step towards building a stronger, happier, and more fulfilling vegan relationship together.
Couples therapy improves relationships through communication and emotional connection
The Gottman Method, based on research, focuses on building a strong friendship, enhancing communication, managing conflict, and increasing intimacy.
Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on improving the relationship between two people in a romantic partnership. The goal of couples therapy is to help couples improve their communication, resolve conflicts, and deepen their emotional connection.
The Gottman Method is a specific approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It is based on over 40 years of research on what makes relationships work and what causes them to break down. The Gottman Method is a structured, goal-oriented approach that helps couples learn new skills and strategies to improve their relationship.
Some key components of the Gottman Method include:
Building a strong friendship: Couples are encouraged to build a deep emotional connection by engaging in activities that strengthen their bond.
Enhancing communication skills: Couples learn to communicate effectively by using active listening skills and expressing their needs in a constructive way.
Managing conflict: Couples are taught how to manage conflict by focusing on problem-solving and compromise, rather than winning or losing.
Increasing intimacy: Couples are encouraged to increase their physical and emotional intimacy by expressing affection and creating opportunities for closeness.
The Gottman Method has been shown to be effective in helping couples improve their relationship and reduce relationship distress.
Compassion fatigue, also known as secondary traumatic stress, is a state of exhaustion and emotional distress that can occur when someone is exposed to the suffering of others over a prolonged period of time. For vegans, compassion fatigue can arise from the constant exposure to animal cruelty and exploitation in the food industry. Here are some tips to help you be vegan and avoid compassion fatigue:
Set boundaries: It's important to set boundaries around the type and amount of information you consume. While it's important to stay informed about animal rights issues, constantly exposing yourself to graphic images and stories can be emotionally draining. Set limits on how much time you spend reading or watching animal rights content, and choose sources that are reputable and informative without being overly graphic.
Practice self-care: Taking care of your physical and emotional health is crucial for avoiding compassion fatigue. Make sure to get enough sleep, exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Additionally, practicing mindfulness, meditation, or yoga can help you manage stress and stay centered.
Connect with like-minded individuals: Surround yourself with people who share your values and can offer support and understanding. Joining vegan groups or attending vegan events can help you connect with others who are passionate about animal rights and can provide a sense of community.
Take action: Channel your passion and energy into activism and advocacy. By taking action and making a positive difference in the world, you can feel empowered and fulfilled. Consider volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue organization, attending peaceful protests, or writing letters to lawmakers.
Seek professional help if needed: If you're experiencing symptoms of compassion fatigue such as depression, anxiety, or burnout, don't hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. They can offer strategies to manage your symptoms and help you work through any difficult emotions.
By following these tips, you can be a vegan and avoid compassion fatigue. Remember to take care of yourself, stay informed, and take action to make a positive difference in the world.
Recent Pew Research indicates that over 60% of young men are currently single.
Sexual intimacy is at a 30-year low across genders.
Young men must re-prioritize real-life relationships and intimacy attuned to the shift in priorities that women have already made.
There are several reasons why some young men may be single and sexless, and the issue is a complex one that is influenced by various societal, cultural, and individual factors. Here are some potential reasons:
Changes in dating and relationship culture: In recent years, there have been significant shifts in dating and relationship culture, with many young people choosing to delay or avoid committed relationships altogether. This change may be due to a variety of factors, including changing social norms, economic uncertainty, and the rise of hookup culture.
Technology and social media: Social media and dating apps have made it easier to connect with potential partners, but they have also created a sense of anxiety and competition around dating and relationships. Some young men may feel that they don't measure up to the idealized images and profiles they see online, leading to a sense of hopelessness and disconnection.
Economic and social factors: Economic instability, job insecurity, and social isolation can all contribute to a lack of romantic and sexual relationships among young men. When people are struggling to make ends meet or don't have a supportive social network, it can be challenging to prioritize dating and relationships.
Mental health issues: Some young men may struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety or depression, which can make it difficult to initiate and maintain relationships. Additionally, issues such as body image, self-esteem, and social anxiety can impact a person's ability to connect with others.
It's important to note that not all young men are single and sexless, and these issues do not affect all men equally. Additionally, it's essential to approach the topic with sensitivity and without stigmatizing those who may be experiencing these challenges. It's crucial to understand that these issues are complex and multifaceted, and addressing them requires a nuanced and compassionate approach.
Brief therapy or relational coaching can counteract avoidance and offer young men meaningful communication as well as emotional and sexual intimacy skills.
Early trauma is strongly linked to adult mental health issues, including PTSD, anxiety disorders, depression, and more.
Trauma can disrupt the normal development of the brain and affect the brain's ability to regulate emotions and process information.
Coping mechanisms developed in response to trauma can be harmful in the long term.
Genetics, environment, and social support can all play a role in determining who is most at risk for developing mental health problems after experiencing early trauma.
Early intervention and support can help mitigate the long-term effects of trauma and improve outcomes for individuals who have experienced it.
Research has shown that early trauma is strongly linked to adult mental health issues. Traumatic experiences during childhood can cause lasting changes in the brain, leading to a higher risk of developing mental health problems later in life.
Early trauma can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, neglect, and exposure to violence or other traumatic events. Children who experience these types of trauma may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, depression, and other mental health conditions.
One of the reasons early trauma can have such a lasting impact is that it can disrupt the normal development of the brain. In particular, trauma can affect the brain's ability to regulate emotions and process information. This can lead to difficulties with mood, behavior, and interpersonal relationships.
Children who experience trauma may also develop coping mechanisms that can be harmful in the long term. For example, they may turn to drugs or alcohol as a way of numbing their emotional pain. They may also engage in risky behaviors or become overly defensive or aggressive as a way of protecting themselves.
It's important to note that not everyone who experiences early trauma will develop mental health problems. Factors such as genetics, environment, and social support can all play a role in determining who is most at risk.
However, recognizing the link between early trauma and adult mental health is an important step in helping those who are struggling. Early intervention and support can help mitigate the long-term effects of trauma and improve outcomes for individuals who have experienced it.
In conclusion, early trauma is a serious issue that can have long-lasting effects on mental health. By understanding this link and providing appropriate support, we can help individuals who have experienced trauma to lead happier, healthier lives.
The silent treatment is a behavior where a person intentionally stops communicating with their partner, usually in response to a perceived or actual wrongdoing. It can have various effects on a relationship, depending on the situation and how long it lasts.
In the short term, the silent treatment can cause hurt, confusion, and frustration for the recipient, as they may feel ignored, disrespected, or shut out. They may also experience anxiety and uncertainty, wondering what they did wrong and how to resolve the issue. The longer the silent treatment lasts, the more harmful it can be to the relationship, as it can create a sense of emotional distance, erode trust and intimacy, and damage communication.
In some cases, the silent treatment can be a form of emotional abuse, as it can be used as a tool for control and manipulation. The person giving the silent treatment may be trying to punish their partner, exert power over them, or avoid dealing with the issue at hand. This behavior can be particularly harmful if it becomes a pattern in the relationship or if it's used to escalate conflicts.
If you or someone you know is experiencing the silent treatment in a relationship, it's important to address the issue and communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Seek professional help if necessary, and remember that healthy relationships require mutual respect, trust, and effective communication.
Read more - Five Losing Strategies Used by Couples
Pet loss grief refers to the deep emotional pain and sadness that you may experience following the death of your beloved pet. For many people, pets are more than just animals; they are often considered family members and provide a source of unconditional love, companionship, and support. Therefore, when a pet dies, it can be a devastating experience that can result in feelings of sadness, guilt, anger, and even depression.
Counselling can be an effective way to help individuals cope with pet loss grief. A trained therapist, like me, can provide you a safe and supportive environment to process your emotions, express your feelings, and work through your grief. Counselling can also help you develop coping strategies, find ways to honor your pet's memory, and navigate the practical issues that come with pet loss, such as disposing of the body or dealing with the pet's possessions.
Different approaches to help you cope with pet loss grief can be used, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based therapy, and grief counseling. Ultimately, the goal of pet loss grief counselling is to help you navigate your grief in a healthy way and find a way to move forward while still honoring the memory of your beloved pet.
Pet loss counseling can be conducted in-person, online, or over the phone. During counseling sessions, individuals are encouraged to talk about their feelings and emotions related to the loss of their pet. Counselors may also offer coping strategies, self-care techniques, and tools to help manage grief.
If you are considering pet loss counseling, you can start by contacting a licensed therapist or counselor who specializes in this area.
It's important to find a counselor who you feel comfortable with and who understands the unique challenges of pet loss. With the help of a pet loss counselor, you can begin to process your grief and find a way to honor the memory of your beloved pet.
Andrew Huberman is a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford University. Here are some of his best quotes:
"Our brains are plastic, and we have the ability to change and shape them throughout our entire lives."
"The single most important thing for optimizing brain function is sleep."
"Stress is not always bad. It can be a powerful motivator and help us perform at our best, but it becomes a problem when it's chronic and unremitting."
"There is no such thing as a 'bad' emotion. All emotions serve a purpose, and it's important to acknowledge and understand them."
"The brain is like a muscle. If you don't use it, you lose it."
"Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing can help rewire the brain and reduce stress."
"Our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, but sometimes the things that bring us the most pleasure in the short term can have negative consequences in the long term."
"The brain is capable of incredible things, but it requires effort and dedication to unlock its full potential."
"Movement is essential for brain health. Regular exercise can improve cognitive function and mood."
"The most effective way to learn something is to teach it to someone else."
Read more about Dr Andrew Huberman work - Top Ideas from Andrew Huberman - Change your Brain
Counseling is a powerful way to gain support and guidance when facing mental health challenges. Drawing on evidence-based techniques and inspired by the work of Dr. Andrew Huberman, I incorporate practical tools grounded in neuroscience to help you regulate emotions, build resilience, and improve overall well-being.
Dr. Huberman’s insights on brain function, stress management, and behavioral change align perfectly with my approach. Together, we’ll work on developing effective coping skills, addressing underlying issues, and unlocking your potential for growth and healing.
Take the first step toward a more balanced and fulfilling life. Book a session today and experience how tailored guidance can make a difference.
Gratitude is a powerful emotion that can have numerous benefits in various areas of life, including one's career. Here are some ways that gratitude can help you grow in your career:
Positive mindset: Practicing gratitude can help you develop a positive mindset, which can help you better handle challenges and setbacks in your career. A positive attitude can also make you more approachable and likable, which can lead to better relationships with colleagues, clients, and customers.
Increased motivation: Being grateful for the opportunities and successes in your career can increase your motivation to continue to work hard and strive for further success. Gratitude can also help you recognize the value of your work and the impact it has on others, which can be a powerful source of motivation.
Improved relationships: Gratitude can improve your relationships with colleagues, bosses, and clients. Expressing appreciation and gratitude towards others can help build trust, respect, and a sense of teamwork. This can lead to more productive and collaborative work relationships and opportunities for career growth.
Better stress management: Gratitude can help you manage stress and prevent burnout. Focusing on the positive aspects of your career and expressing gratitude for them can help you maintain perspective and avoid getting bogged down by negativity and stress.
Overall, practicing gratitude can help you develop a more positive and motivated mindset, build stronger relationships, and manage stress and challenges in your career. These can all contribute to career growth and success.
There are many reasons why spending time at the ocean and beach can be beneficial for mental health. Here are a few:
Relaxation: The sound of the waves, the salty air, and the warmth of the sun can all help to create a sense of relaxation and calm. This can be especially helpful for people who experience stress and anxiety.
Exercise: Activities like walking on the beach, swimming in the ocean, or playing beach games can provide a good workout for the body. Exercise has been shown to improve mental health by reducing stress, anxiety, and depression.
Vitamin D: Exposure to sunlight can increase vitamin D levels, which has been linked to improved mood and reduced risk of depression.
Connection to nature: Spending time in nature has been shown to have a positive effect on mental health. The ocean and beach offer a unique opportunity to connect with nature in a way that is both calming and invigorating.
Social connection: Going to the beach with friends or family can provide an opportunity for social connection, which is an important aspect of mental health.
Overall, spending time at the ocean and beach can help to reduce stress, improve mood, and provide a sense of relaxation and connection to nature that can be beneficial for mental health. Especially in Western Australia, where Perth beaches offer a unique combination of beauty, accessibility, and cleanliness, making them some of the best in the world.
Lastly, counselling can complement beach therapy. While spending time at the beach can be helpful for mental health, it may not be a complete solution for everyone. Counselling can provide additional support and guidance for people who are struggling with mental health issues. A trained therapist can help individuals develop coping skills, process difficult emotions, and work through underlying issues that may be contributing to their mental health struggles. Combining counselling with beach therapy can create a well-rounded approach to mental health that addresses both the physical and emotional aspects of well-being.
Photo of Cottesloe Beach by Salty Wings
If you struggle with anxiety, there are several things you can do to help manage and reduce your symptoms. Here are six tips:
Seek Professional Help: It's essential to seek help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, who can help you identify the root causes of your anxiety and provide you with strategies to manage your symptoms. They may recommend different types of therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or exposure therapy, that can be effective in treating anxiety. Book a session with me today!
Practice Relaxation Techniques: Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or progressive muscle relaxation, can help to reduce anxiety symptoms by promoting relaxation and reducing muscle tension.
Exercise Regularly: Exercise is a natural mood booster and can help to reduce symptoms of anxiety by releasing endorphins, which are natural chemicals that promote feelings of happiness and well-being.
Manage Your Stress: Stress can exacerbate anxiety symptoms, so it's important to identify and manage your stressors. This may involve setting boundaries, learning time management skills with my support, or practicing self-care activities such as taking a bath or reading a book. A counsellor can also help you become more insightful about the roots causes of your stress.
Practice Self-Compassion: Anxiety can be a challenging and isolating experience, so it's important to practice self-compassion and be kind to yourself. This may involve practicing positive self-talk, challenging negative thoughts, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
Consider Medication: In some cases, medication may be necessary to manage severe or persistent anxiety symptoms. Talk to your GP or mental health professional about whether medication may be appropriate for you.
Remember, everyone's journey with anxiety is unique, and it may take time and experimentation to find the strategies that work best for you. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work towards managing your anxiety.
If you are struggling with emotional or mental health issues, seeking counseling can be a valuable step towards healing and personal growth. While it may seem daunting or uncomfortable to open up to a stranger about your problems, working with a trained professional can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate difficult emotions and overcome challenges.
Here are a few reasons why seeking counseling help can be beneficial:
A safe and supportive space to share your thoughts and feelings: A counseling session provides you with a confidential and non-judgmental space to talk about your concerns, fears, and emotions. Your counselor will listen to you with empathy and understanding, and offer practical advice and tools to help you manage your thoughts and feelings.
Gain new insights and perspectives: A counselor can help you identify patterns and behaviors that may be contributing to your struggles. They can help you develop a new perspective and offer you new ways of thinking and behaving that can lead to positive change.
Learn new coping strategies: A counselor can help you develop healthy coping strategies to manage your emotions and build resilience. These strategies can help you deal with difficult situations in a more constructive way and improve your overall well-being.
Improve your relationships: Counseling can help you improve your communication skills, deepen your self-awareness, and enhance your emotional intelligence. These skills can help you build stronger and healthier relationships with your loved ones and improve your quality of life.
Remember, seeking counseling help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to reach out for support and take steps towards healing and personal growth. If you are struggling with emotional or mental health issues, consider reaching out to a qualified counselor or therapist, like me, today.
Choosing a vegan counsellor to support you can have several benefits, depending on your reasons for seeking counselling (anxiety, depression, self-confidence, relationships, stress, develop new habits and identity, or others). Here are some potential advantages:
Shared values: If you're a vegan or have ethical concerns about animal welfare, you may find it helpful to work with a counsellor who shares your values. A vegan counsellor is more likely to understand your perspective and be able to provide guidance and support that aligns with your beliefs.
Personal experience: A vegan counsellor may have personal experience with some of the challenges and obstacles that come with a vegan lifestyle, such as dealing with social pressure, navigating relationships with non-vegan friends and family members, or managing feelings of frustration or anger toward those who don't share your values. This lived experience can help them better understand your struggles and offer more targeted support.
Holistic approach: Many vegans choose the lifestyle not only for ethical reasons but also for health and environmental reasons. A vegan counsellor may have knowledge and expertise in these areas, as well as in plant-based nutrition, that can complement traditional counseling techniques to help you achieve greater overall wellbeing.
Of course, it's important to choose a counsellor who is also qualified and experienced in providing effective counselling services, regardless of their ethic or dietary preferences. You may want to consider factors such as their credentials, specialties, rapport, and approach to therapy when making your decision.
Andrew Huberman is a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford University who has done extensive research on the brain and nervous system. Here are some of his top ideas:
Neuroplasticity: Huberman emphasizes that the brain is highly adaptable and capable of change throughout our lives. This idea of neuroplasticity means that we can actively work to rewire our brains to improve our abilities, change our behavior, and overcome challenges.
Stress and relaxation: Huberman emphasizes the importance of balancing stress and relaxation in order to optimize our mental and physical health. He explains that stress can be useful in certain situations, but chronic stress can have negative effects on our health and wellbeing. Huberman suggests practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and spending time in nature as ways to reduce stress and promote relaxation.
Sleep: Huberman stresses the importance of getting enough high-quality sleep, as it is crucial for both physical and mental health. He provides tips for optimizing sleep, such as maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, avoiding blue light exposure before bedtime, and creating a comfortable sleep environment.
Vision and perception: Huberman has done extensive research on the visual system and how it affects our perception of the world around us. He has discovered that certain visual exercises can improve our ability to see and process information, and that these exercises can also have broader impacts on our cognition and mental wellbeing.
Neuroscience and education: Huberman is passionate about improving education through a better understanding of neuroscience. He advocates for teaching methods that are grounded in scientific research, such as using spaced repetition and active learning techniques, and for tailoring educational approaches to individual learning styles and abilities.
Mental health and wellbeing: Huberman is committed to promoting mental health and wellbeing, and has explored various interventions that can help individuals manage conditions such as anxiety and depression. He emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help when needed, and encourages individuals to take an active role in their own mental health through practices such as exercise, mindfulness, and social connection.
There are several resources available to learn more about Andrew Huberman's ideas and research:
The Huberman Lab website: The Huberman Lab at Stanford University has a website that provides information about their research, publications, and ongoing projects. You can visit their website at https://hubermanlab.com/.
The Huberman Lab YouTube channel: The Huberman Lab also has a YouTube channel where Andrew Huberman posts videos discussing his research and ideas. The videos cover a range of topics including sleep, stress, vision, and mental health. You can find the channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2D2CMWXMOVWxQEKhFLKkpA.
Podcast interviews: Andrew Huberman has been a guest on several podcasts, where he discusses his research and ideas in more depth. Some popular podcasts he has appeared on include The Tim Ferriss Show, The Joe Rogan Experience, and The Rich Roll Podcast.
Scientific papers: Andrew Huberman has published numerous scientific papers on topics such as the visual system, stress, and neuroplasticity. You can find his papers on Google Scholar or other academic search engines.
Social media: Andrew Huberman is active on social media, particularly Instagram, where he posts regular updates about his research and ideas. You can follow him at https://www.instagram.com/hubermanlab/.
Starting the day with good habits is important because it sets the tone for the rest of the day. By beginning the day with positive habits, you are more likely to maintain that momentum throughout the day. Good habits can help you feel more energized, focused, and motivated, which can lead to increased productivity, better decision-making, and an overall sense of well-being.
In addition, starting the day with good habits can help you build consistency and discipline in your life. By committing to a routine of healthy habits, you can train your mind and body to make positive choices and prioritize self-care. This can ultimately lead to long-term benefits, such as improved health, better relationships, and increased success in your personal and professional life.
Overall, starting the day with good habits can have a significant impact on your physical and mental health, your productivity, and your overall quality of life.
My seven favorite morning habits:
1. Exercise: Starting your day with a light workout can help set the tone for the rest of your day. Exercise increases endorphins, boosts your mood, and helps to keep your focus.
2. Meditation: Meditation can help to reduce stress, clear your mind and provide clarity for the day ahead.
3. Healthy Breakfast: Eating a healthy plant-based breakfast can give you the energy and nutrients you need to start your day on the right foot.
4. Set Goals: Before you start your day, take a few moments to set your goals and intentions. This will help you stay on track and motivated throughout the day.
5. Prioritize: Prioritizing your tasks can help you stay focused and organized. Choose the tasks that are most important to you and focus on completing them first.
6. Get Fresh Air and Sunlight: Going outside and getting some fresh air and natural light can help to clear your head and give you a new perspective. According to Andrew D. Huberman, Ph.D., Professor of Neurobiology at Stanford Medicine & Host of the Huberman Lab Podcast viewing sunlight in the morning causes ~50% increase in circulating cortisol, epinephrine and dopamine. These leverage healthy increases in energy, immune system function and mood.
7. Gratitude: Spend a few moments reflecting on the things that you are grateful for in life. This will help you start your day with a positive mindset.
Terry Real, a prominent American psychotherapist, speaker, and author who is best known for his work on men's issues and relational psychology, has identified five common losing strategies that people use in their relationships. These strategies, which he describes in his book "The New Rules of Marriage," can be destructive and ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Here are the five losing strategies:
1. Being Right
Arguing about whose view is more accurate
Fuels self-righteous indignation
2. Controlling Your Partner
Can be direct or indirect manipulation
No-one likes being controlled. It leads to retaliation & payback
3. Unbridled Self-expression
Saying whatever is on your mind with no kindness or respect
4. Retaliation
Offending from the victim position
I’ll make you feel what I feel
Can be overt or covert (passive aggressive)
5. Withdrawal
This is different from taking a responsible time-out or responsible distance
taking
Comes from resignation or retaliation.
In addition to the five losing strategies that Terry Real has identified, he has also outlined five winning strategies that can help couples build healthy and fulfilling relationships. Here are the five winning strategies:
1. Shift from Complaint to Request
Learn how to speak and ask for what you want
Make your requests specific, behavioural & reasonable.
2. Speak to Repair with Love & Respect
Contract with your partner to engage in a 10 minute dialogue or repair
conversation
Remember love
Use the 4 steps of the feedback wheel
What I saw & heard
What I made up about it
How I feel about it
What I’d like
Let go of the outcome.
3. Listen With Compassion
Listen to understand – you don’t have to agree
Acknowledge whatever you can
Give whatever you can
4. Empower Each Other
Acknowledge the gifts the responder has offered
Ask what you can do to help the responder deliver
Acknowledge whatever you can & give whatever you can.
5. Cherish each other
Give your partner specific positive feedback & appreciations daily
Nourish yourself & your relationship with time & energy
Practice smart generosity
Give back to the world.
If you need help with your relationship, please contact me to discuss your situation and find out how we can help.
Sydney-based vegan psychologist and trainer Clare Mann has written a handbook for vegans to understand and communicate the anguish of living in a non-vegan world.
Vystopia, the title of Mann’s new book, is a new term coined by her in 2017, after becoming vegan ten years ago, to describe what she describes as an 'existential crisis' experienced by vegans as they become aware of society's trance-like collusion with a dystopian world full of greed, animal exploitation, and speciesism.
I caught up with her about her writing, mental health, activism and Vystopia.
I’ve been a psychologist for nearly thirty years and trained and consulted individuals and teams all over the world. My focus has been on results-based communication, enhancing individual potential, and principled consultancy.
Everything I have done has been underpinned by the importance of “having the conversation that matters”. This means “speaking the unspeakable”, “voicing the unspoken”, and looking beyond what one hears and is told, in order to understand what is actually real or desirable, not what we perceive it to be.
After becoming a vegan nearly ten years ago, I have become increasingly outspoken in the animal space and more people began to seek me out as a psychological counsellor. I realised that the symptoms they described like anguish, frustration, alienation, and anger were recognisable in my own experience after learning about the systematised abuse of animals. I named this set of symptoms and responses as Vystopia. I called myself a Vegan Psychologist and focused on the personal and social challenges facing vegans as ways to get them unstuck.
A number of vegans tell me of the enormous guilt they feel, knowing how they’ve contributed to animal suffering through their consumer choices before becoming vegan. Many are unable to forgive themselves, despite not previously knowing about what happens to animals behind closed doors. People have different capacities to feel guilt, an emotion related to feeling uncomfortable about decisions or actions they have taken. Some people seem to absorb other people’s guilt and feel bad for just being human, whilst others just can’t forgive themselves for their past actions.
It’s only by forgiveness that they can really move on and turn their guilt into something positive. With the increase in people becoming vegan and the education that accompanies this process, I believe we will potentially see a lot more people feeling guilty that they didn’t ask more questions and become vegan earlier. When people find out about the ubiquitous use of animals in our society and how this abuse links to so many other lies and cover-ups, it’s normal to feel duped and question everything upon which one’s life is based. This leads to an existential crisis which is central to understanding vystopia.
Our job as vegans, whether in the health professions or not, is to help others transmute their vystopia into positive action for animals, people, and the planet. We must all become well-resourced to becoming part of the solution by bringing our respective gifts to the world.
Whilst I’m not a nutritionist, it’s well documented that diet plays an important part in one’s physical and psychological well-being, particularly mood.
Medical practitioners like T. Colin Campbell, Dr. Michael Klaper and Dr. Michael Greger, as well as plant-based naturopaths, highlight the importance of a whole-food, plant-based diet for our health and positive influence on mood and well-being. It stands to reason, that a junk-food vegan diet if maintained over time, would inhibit optimum health as well as influencing mental health. UK Nutritionists like Patrick Holford point to research outlining the relationship between the quality of one’s diet and improvements in mood, depression, schizophrenia, and autism.
We have seen a dramatic increase in animal rights campaigning over recent years, with the growth of movements like The Save Movement, Anonymous for the Voiceless, and documentaries like Earthlings and Cowspiracy. Since the launch of the Australian documentary Dominion in 2018, I have heard first-hand from many vegans an increased desire and imperative for them to increase their activism.
These brave individuals are today’s leaders for a better world and in “bearing witness” they not only honour the lives of animals destined for slaughter, but send a strong message to individuals, society, and industrialists that there is a rising tide of social awareness that says there is a better way to treat animals, people, and the planet. In bearing witness, they experience repeated exposure to confronting footage and they must ensure they develop ways to process that trauma as well as ensure their physical and psychological health.
My advice is two-fold. Animal rights campaigners must develop high levels of self-care and become exquisite communicators. This includes looking after one’s diet, having a regular exercise regime, getting adequate rest and social support. It’s important to develop ways to ensure that one’s anguish is not buried deep within, or else it can turn into depression. Animal activists are greatly empowered if they learn to communicate effectively and powerfully. There is a lot of excellent training and mentoring happening in many groups.
Every individual I ever have met who becomes vegan for ethical reasons and who chooses to live a life underpinned by the philosophy of the non-use and non-exploitation of animals says, “I wish I knew a long time ago, what I know now because I would have become vegan right away!”
So with that in mind, I encourage everyone to open their eyes and not accept what you are told without questioning it. Do your own research, be open-minded, and don’t blindly accept traditional education, medical advice, or one’s own family as always being right. How is it possible we didn’t know that over 156 billion animals are used by a mere 7.5 billion people each year? Don’t immediately decide what you think is right or wrong without adequate questioning and research. Many people who have been called Conspiracy Theorists are those whose ideas are outside the norm, and whom we later thank for opening our eyes to new truths.
I believe that 2018 is a year of change for veganism. All social change appears to follow a sequence and Malcolm Gladwell’s book; The Tipping Point highlights this process. I believe we are reaching a tipping point of change and seeing people literally “step up” far more, and choosing to be part of the solution.
For me, this year involves of a lot of travel and speaking at different venues. I am focusing on promoting my new book; Vystopia: The Anguish of Being Vegan in a Non-Vegan World, which was launched in Sydney in May 2018. In June it will be launched at the Animal Rights National Conference in LA, before I leave for New York to emcee the premier screening of the documentary Dominion. In October Vystopia will be launched at the UK VegFest in London, just after some of Australia’s key events including World Vegan Day and the Vegan Spring Festival in Melbourne. I also have a couple of more academic conference papers being presented at major universities in Australia.
All this is leading to the piloting of our new, interactive, online communication and leadership program for Vegans, and this will be released later in the year. So a busy year but one in which I believe we will see major changes in animal protection and veganism. I will, however, always make time to be part of the Cube of Truth street activism events, as well as inviting some rescue dogs into my life later in the year.
You can learn more about Clare Mann at Vystopia.com, Vegan Voices and Vegan Psychologist
Or book a session with a vegan counsellor who will understand you and your values. Face-to-face in Perth, or online.
Why do people get in touch with me and ask for my support? This is a question I already asked myself many times.
Why would they choose to pay my fees to get special one-on-one assistance instead of simply buying a book and reading it? Or just going online to find solutions for themselves? Or asking for advice in their Facebook wall?
After all, we live in an age of information. Smartphones. Always connected. There’s literally nothing you can’t research. In a few seconds.
Well, in my opinion - and 17 years of professional experience in Europe, Africa, Asia, and now Australia - here’s why people choose me or another counselling or coaching professional:
They basically want to be advised on their particular and unique situation. Because the outcome they are in search of needs to work for them. To their particular and exclusive situation.
To put it differently: they need to be listened. Accepted. Understood.
And this is the central difference between what I do - counselling and coaching – and other kinds of information. An essential difference between having a counsellor or a coach and reading a self-help book. Or watching a video on YouTube. Or ranting on Facebook about a situation. Or being in the audience of a conference. A counsellor or coach will “get it.” Will listen. Will understand. You. Your situation. And your priorities.
A book, a video, or a sum of friends comments on your post can’t do that.
That’s why I always start with: understanding the client.
Let me know if you have any questions. I’m always here to help.
